Jan 10, 2005
 
And again, it could be time for me to add a few words to the website which bears the same name as I:
 
This past weekend has been both very exciting and also very difficult for me. The doctors discontinued the IV "food" that I had been eating through my jugular, which is nice because I am no longer attached to an IV pole. However, this also means that I'm responsible for eating a larger portion of my daily calorie need. And because I've had some stomach problems since Friday night, I've been frustrated that I haven't really been able to keep up with my body's needs.
 
Regardless, I still feel better than I did a week ago, and I thank God for every bit of improvement, of grace, that he gives me. Perhaps the greatest evidence of my improvement right now is my growing interest in things. Whereas previously I thought very little about things not concerned with my survival, this week I'm beginning to think about the possibilities of life beyond the hospital... Well, maybe not that far into the future, but I realized that in 5 or 6 weeks, I will no longer have pieces of metal holding my jaw together, I won't be wearing a plastic suit of armor every time I sit up, and I should be breathing through my mouth instead of a hole in my throat. How awesome will that be?!!! I'm excited, which is nice since I haven't been excited about much for six and a half weeks now.
 
Another thing that I've become interested in again is food, which is good, but again frustrating. I'm starting to think that some foods might be desirable for eating; unfortunately, my stomach hurts, and even if it didn't, the hospital staff wouldn't allow me to eat most real foods until my jaw and teeth are stronger.
 
In short, I'm beginning to look to the future again; to have hope; to have faith.
 
This is something I've thought about before, but the book of Hebrews has a theme of God's people hoping and having faith, but not necessarily receiving what they expect - that is to enter God's prepared Sabbath rest - but rather they continue to wait and hope and have faith, an example I believe of how faith is a process (Hebrews 4 and 11). But we find out in Hebrews 5 and 12 (and other places), that through Jesus, the work that is our faith, can be completed and we can enter the promised rest.
 
Faith can certainly be a struggle when you're broken (literally or figuratively) and trying to figure out how to get yourself back together. We can hope that we will someday be better. We can do our best to try and get ourselves better. But in the end it is faith that could help us the most; we need to remember that its only in Jesus that we can be completed, that we can be put back together.
 
If you pray for me this week, pray that I would be continuing in the process of faith, and that I would be continually putting my trust in Jesus for what I need each day, and for putting me together, however that will look in a few months time. Pray that I would be able to truly cast my cares upon the Father and enter his rest.
 
If that didn't make sense, understand that they haven't entirely ruled out the possibility of brain damage, and I've lost the ability to put together complete ideas - if that is the case, pray for me about that. However, given that the chances I have brain damage are very low, perhaps if you don't understand, you should e-mail me, and I'll start praying for you...
 
Love to my friends and family in Christ,
 
Daryl Holmlund

Fall 2004