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    28th January 2012

    I believe I’ve waited long enough…

    I’m learning to walk again
    I believe I’ve waited long enough
    Where do I begin?

    -Foo Fighters, “Walk”

    I had heard the song “Walk” by the Foo Fighters on the radio but only recently paid attention to the lyrics while listening… and well… if you read the short excerpt from the lyrics above the video
    you might understand why those lyrics hit a chord with me. I also watched the above video and it struck another chord because it features Dave Grohl stuck in traffic trying to get on an LA freeway, and then walking through LA and ending up across the river at the Foo Fighters’ practice lock-up. I live in LA. I walk around my part of LA. And some of the video looks like my area, even though it probably is not.

    I’ve been thinking about “Walk” a lot this week because the chorus keeps getting stuck in my head. I think the line that gets me the most is the middle one quoted above: “I believe I’ve waited long enough.” It makes me wonder what the speaker/singer/writer of the song was waiting for. But it also makes me ask myself what I’ve been waiting for. I’m talking about physically walking, but also about anything that gets me hung up, impeding my flow of life or my joy in existence.

    I think maybe I sometimes feel like I need to wait a certain amount of time after making a mistake or a bad decision (aka I miss the mark, err, sin, transgress) before I’m allowed to be truly happy again. This is the natural result of regret – being constantly reminded of whatever my problem/stupidity/ailment of the moment is. But how long is “long enough”? Is there really any amount of time long enough to make up for some of the disappointments of this world? Is there really any amount of time that could atone for every sin?

    In the 1986 film The Mission, Robert De Niro plays a slave trader named Rodrigo Mendoza in 1750s South America. After finding him in bed with his fiancee, Mendoza enraged, kills his brother in a duel. Because of the circumstances, Mendoza is not charged and instead spirals into depression on account of his guilt. Father Gabriel (Jeremy Irons) suggests Mendoza, as an act of penance, travel with him to work at a mission in the wilderness serving the very Guarani people he previously worked to enslave. Mendoza travels with the Jesuits into the rainforest, pulling after him a cargo net filled with the weapons and armor he previously used for his sordid business. The task of pulling the armor while scrambling up rock faces and through muddy paths leaves Mendoza broken down, at which point he is confronted by the Guarani in the following scene:

    Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
    -Hebrews 12:1-3


    4 Responses to “I believe I’ve waited long enough…”

    1. Norma Price says:

      What an encouragement it is to see our Lord work in your life, Daryl. How good, good, good it is to listen to the Holy Spirit. Keep listening and you “won’t grow weary or lose heart”!

    2. Daryl says:

      Thank you, Norma! I’m thankful for what my Father is doing with me right now.

    3. Miriam says:

      Hmm, we talked about this.

      I enjoy this post. This reply is a bit scattered, but I’ve had quite a few interesting discussions regarding sin, penance, GRACE, authenticity, accountability and community over the past few months.

      The past two years have been ones of intense struggle. Constantly wrestling and desperately searching for answers, peace and clarity. I think that putting “it” out there & stepping into that space where I could say, “Here it is God-my junk-my hurts, habits, hang ups & frustrations in life. Out in the open. At your feet. Here I am. Completely broken, but ready to take my first steps toward wholeness & healing.” I’ve definitely been there. What self-imposed penance must I complete before the guilt is gone and I am ready to move on with life? It’s a constantly evolving discussion, but maybe it has something to do with fear and pride (for me, at least). Fear of failure, rejection and disappointing others. Pride as it relates to letting the world see me as I am & rejecting for all of my shortcomings. What i DO know, is that…the longer I live in isolation the longer I wait & the more unwilling I am to move on. Yet, when in community, allowing myself to be vulnerable with friends, and actually LIVING & breathing alongside others (aka sharing life) recovery & healing begin exponentially faster…

    4. Daryl says:

      “Yet, when in community, allowing myself to be vulnerable with friends, and actually LIVING & breathing alongside others (aka sharing life) recovery & healing begin exponentially faster…”

      -Amen, Miriam. Agree.

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    Copyright 2005 by Daryl Holmlund - All rights reserved.